Styling your Energy Drink
We’re flailing in the middle of the seemingly endless midterm season that began the second day of the semester. Every direction you turn, there’s a test; every nap you take wrecks your already struggling GPA. The only legal way to survive this rollercoaster of fear is caffeine - not just any caffeine, but the beverage that fits your personality, whose relationship you began while doing your pathetic AP exam prep in high school and who now occupies 90% of your bloodstream. Drinking this beverage is no longer enough to power through midterm season; you have to BE the drink. Conveying your energy drink through your style just might give you the edge you need to pass your exams.
Yerba Mate
Are you a “hippie”? Do you want to seem outwardly zen as you internally combust? You’ll feel a spiritual connection with Yerba Mate, the drink whose deceptive packaging disguises a bottle of chaos as a calming tea. Turns out it’s not coffee, or tea, or even the native holly plant it claims to be - it’s carbonated crack. This drink might have yoga vibes, but you should NOT drink it before class unless you want your heart to explode during havasana flow. Pair this enlightened yellow can with a crystal necklace, tarot card shirt, and crappy yin-yang stick and poke and hopefully your chakras will align in time for midterms.
Iced Vanilla Latte
You are a cute, quirky human disaster. With your unreliable budget and non-existant exercise routine, you really shouldn’t be drinking this six dollar bowel cleanser. What you SHOULD do is study, or at the very least, take a shower - but come on, we all know that you’re gonna sit in bed and watch Youtube instead. Top off your lazy Emma Chamberlain vibes with a greasy messy bun, sweats, and a poopy jacket - and don’t forget the scrunchie, sksksksksk!
Monster energy
It takes a special strain of anti-establishment individuality to cling to the aesthetic that got you through middle school. You were scary then and you’re scarier now. DC shoes on, eyebrows slitted, and i <3 boobies bracelets to match every fit, you owned the playground and terrified your teachers. These days, you’ve upgraded to big tees, baggy shorts and chunky designer sneakers. Billie Eilish’s rise to fame is the reason your style’s now cool, but you won’t admit it, because she’s for normies and you think her music is lame.
Peet’s Coffee
You may not stand out in a crowd, but you definitely know how to code. The only reason you’d choose a bitter cup of Peet’s over literally any other brand of coffee is that you have a deep, powerful love for your campus. A poster child for UC Berkeley, you pair your navy Cal sweatshirt with a pair of generic denim jeans - a generous spectator might call this look ‘monochrome’. Your style loudly broadcasts your major (computer science) and hobby (computer science). *This drink doesn’t express much, but one thing’s clear - this kid’s a future GBO leader! Sko bears.
*When asked for a local restaurant recommendation you’ll poin to Cafe 3, where you spend your time doing homework instead of utilizing the $99 football/men’s basketball combo pass your parents bought you on move-in day.
Green Tea
You’re soft. You’re poised. You’re a lil bland. You’re definitely not that stressed, since you’re a humanities major. You look effortlessly gorgeous in your natural makeup, having no eyebags since you got a full eight hours of sleep last night. Your elegant style rubs it in everyone’s face that you had a relaxing morning with time to get ready for the day. You chose the drink with the least caffeine, yet somehow you’re by far the least tired - oh wait, you finished your interpretive dance midterm already and submitted a poem for your only other class. You don’t even have work to do, you demon, you’re just in the library because you enjoy reading for pleasure.
Redbull
You were born with a destiny to be in Greek Life. You make me feel bad about myself. Like I’m not cool, or something. You’re hateable. Red Bull sniffed you out to be a brand ambassador because they knew you’d be needing some extra cash for your hobbies. You’re in incredibly good shape (it’s the coke). You rock athleisure like it’s your job. Just ask yourself - do you really need red bull to give you wings when you already fly on the wings of privilege?
Espresso
This beverage is so classy that no one truly knows what it is. You’re immediately impressive. You were in a consulting firm in the 8th grade. You wear blazers to class. You wear blazers while you sleep. You pair each outfit with a Rolex that you bought with the returns from the stock you invested in preschool. Stressing for midterms is beneath you. Are you sure you’re not already in grad school?
Boba
This is the only respectable choice for midterms. You’re one of the rare Cal Bears who can see the value of life beyond bcourses. You’re the even rarer Cal Bear who’s genuinely laughed since coming to campus. There’s no dress code to match boba; boba is for everyone. Boba welcomes you, and loves you for who you are. Just as there are endless flavors, so too are there endless ways to express yourself. Treat yourself, treat a friend.
Words by Emily McCabe