How to: Spot a Granola

Sure you might have heard of the VSCO girls. But do you know what a granola is? No, they’re not the toppings for your yogurt parfait that you got from GBC. Instead, Urban Dictionary defines them as:

“Someone who tends to enjoy the outdoors, all while staying inside in their nice suburban middle-class neighborhood. They care about nature and want to ‘save the trees’ and recycle as much as possible.” 

Transcendentalist by nature, seemingly hippie from afar, it’s not uncommon to come across this hybrid hippie on campus without mistaking them for a simple treehugger. Here’s a guide to spotting a granola on your walk in between zoom classes this semester!

1. Patagonia P-6 Logo T-shirt

Also known as the quintessential piece that defines their very existence, granolas cannot stand the fact that Patagonia shirts have caught on with mainstream fashion. A shirt that represents everything they stand for, which is honestly just environmental sustainability and the great outdoors, they can be seen hiking to Pimentel Hall in this staple clothing item. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: if you take a closer look at the material of the shirt, you’ll notice that they wear the 100%-recycled version; most likely in an attempt to relieve the guilt they feel from perpetuating normie culture. 

2. Running shorts

Always itching for an adventure, you can always count on a granola to show up to lecture in running shorts, regardless of the weather. You can observe from afar, but make sure you never come up to them and ask them why anyone would wear shorts in their right mind (trust me, I’ve made this mistake so you don’t have to). They’ll just go on a rather lengthy tangent about how it makes them prepared for any situation, and they’ll even try to justify their decision by claiming that you can just “wipe the water off your legs with paper towels.” So much for being environmentally conscious...

3. Nalgene water bottle
Need I say more?

4. Birkenstocks

Here’s where it gets a little tricky. In addition to the classics (i.e. Old Skool Vans, Adidas Superstars, etc.), Birkenstock is known as one of the most versatile forms of footwear out there. Your sister owns a pair, I own a pair, and even the quirky VSCO girl who claims she’s ~different~ owns a pair (most likely two or three, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt considering how comfortable they are).

5. Life is Good Hat

The most hardcore granolas can be seen sporting a Life is Good hat – a rare sight to see these days, especially since they’re sold out everywhere. Regardless of whether they’re wearing a Life is Good hat, it’s clear that granolas are known for their good vibes. They’re laid back and will always remind you to look on the bright side of things, which is nice to have during stressful times like midterm season. If you manage to befriend a granola, make sure you treat them well!

Words by Jonah Noh

Designs by Helen Wang