OTF - An Introduction (of sorts)
Welcome everyone to ON THE FRINGE! Yay, I am so excited for this to finally materialize, or rather, appear in front of you; hopefully it will be the first of many. At its most basic, I’ve decided to start a blog. I feel right in my decision to embark on this literary journey, almost as if the universe is rooting me on. Just today my professor said that words are the clothing of thought, and I sat there gagged—was she speaking right to me? Did you guys see her look at me when she said that? It was genius. She was right, too, words truly are the clothing of thoughts, and all I wanna do is dress my thoughts. I want to put them in overalls, a canadian tux, a skirt, maybe, on Friday, dress them down, put them in cowboy boots, crochet them a revealing top, etc.
Before I get into the contents of this first post, I will introduce you all to the name. On the Fringe, in its literal definition implies I am commenting on fringe, which is something I would do because I’m starting a fashion blog, so it makes hella sense. Figuratively, On the Fringe means an opinion from the fringes of my mind or from a voice that I have yet to hone or give space to. I truly got so excited when the name came to me—it felt like a higher power had placed it in my mind, so I’m strutting with it. Following its naming, and yes the name came first and then the conceptualizing, I realized On the Fringe would provide the perfect space for me to honor two things I love: writing and fashion. In the future I do hope to integrate some more personal posts along with the fashion commentary, but for the beginning, OTF will exist with fashion at its center. It’s also important to establish that I have no definition for fashion, I just don’t know what other word to use, so go into this with few expectations. OTF also serves as a way for me to fulfill my own selfish desires. I hope to cement myself and my vibe in Berkeley culture through OTF, even if that’s through drawn out rants about how I think it should be illegal to wear pajamas outside of the home… which will be coming soon.
Originally I was planning on keeping OTF anonymous, leaving out a name and therefore a direct correlation between these words and Trey as a person. I don’t really know why the idea of running this page, or blog, or whatever this may turn into was accepted more easily by my brain behind the veil of anonymity. I think a big part of it was just for the drama. I let the fantasy of Gossip Girl cloud my vision. I see OTF being a refuge for me, a space where I feel comfortable diving into a wide range of topics and it was appealing that I would be able to do that without anyone knowing I was behind these (gay) words and stories—even though I had already told just about all of my friends (and probably ten randos on game day) that I was planning on starting this. Now that I think about it, this relationship I seem to have with anonymity has shown itself in the past through my style. I truly used to believe that I needed to wear glasses with every outfit. At the time I thought it was because I looked really good in glasses, but I came to realize that it was way easier for me to strut down the halls when no one could see my eyes. This idea of being present—whether through words or in person—but remaining slightly removed or hidden is something that I have had to force myself out of multiple times, just like in this instance. Having an anonymous blog where I could release my unfiltered opinion without the pressure of any consequence was what I originally became very excited about until I realized it would be dishonorable to not say these things with my chest (a chest that remains consistently adorned with the Curiosity Shop’s finest). And an anonymous blog at 20… You are not Gossip Girl.
When I think about fashion, and more so clothes, I see a platonic partner— something sentient which I have come to enjoy a personal relationship with. I think this is because I truly feel as if the clothes choose me, and not vice versa. I feel like I am in a reciprocal relationship where the clothes and I truly vibe with each other. I also spend a copious amount of time looking at my clothes while high, so naturally I’ve come to personify them. Fashion really has been the strongest connection I’ve had to my true self—whatever that means. Through this metaphysical relationship I have found the space to explore both my identity and creativity, and it is one of the only spaces where I feel I have been able to manifest my authentic self. And not to touch on the the veil metaphor again, but if my journey with clothes—and trust me, it’s been a journey—has taught me anything, it's to do whatever the fuck I want, and to do it proud AF. And while that may sound ran through, cliche, and cheugy, it is true.
Clothes truly have been the most straightforward path to self realization I’ve been on. Nothing else has given me such a sense of pride, accomplishment, individuality—all the things I sought as a youngling who felt drowned by everyone else’s normalcy, even if at the time I was rocking matching ADIDAS sets from Tilly’s. Feeling awesome in clothes was the first time I really felt powerful. It was a personal liberation of sorts and I have never turned back. I even went through this strange phase where it was no longer about looking cool and chic, but rather, about playing the game, “what is the ugliest thing I can walk the halls in and not feel stupid in”... and I made it pretty far.
Even though clothes and style have always meant more to me than looking cool, exemplified by the aforementioned game I got really good at in my senior year of highschool, I think it’s also common to associate this love for clothing with narcissism. I myself have fallen many a-time down a mental hole of whether I can even consider my passion for clothes a passion. I mean I literally just wrote that clothes have shown me more of myself than anything else—and like I’m deadass talking about a Hufflepuff baby tee. Sometimes it weirds me out that I feel so connected to items that at their essence are superficial. I’m not really the most knowledgeable person when it comes to high fashion. I don’t know which brands are based and which aren’t. I can’t design clothes. I just love to wear them, look at them, style them, and talk about them; does that make me a narcissist? When I tell people I love clothes they often ask “oh do you make clothes,” “can you sew,” etc, etc, and I sometimes feel ashamed going “No I do not but look at this shirt I thrifted that says Bring Intellectuals Corn Bread!” But now that I think about it… I really DGAF—all I know is that at the end of each day I truly look forward to poppin in some LDR and sifting through my closet until, one pile of clothes later, I have landed on what to wear for the following day. With all this being said, I do feel it necessary to establish that nothing I write for OTF should ever be taken very seriously. I'm bound to get a little catty, because that's just who I am, but I want to make it very clear that if you feel targeted after reading something I wrote.. Then I was probably talking about you.
Hopefully by the end of the year I, or we, will have an answer for whether I really am a narcissist, or if I’m actually just really awesome, funny, witty, and well dressed!
We’ll meet again soon. Bye.
