fair-weather friend
I don’t go anywhere without a jacket; it does not matter the weather. I could be sweating bullets, but I don’t dare take off my favorite red cardigan. At first, I thought this was due to my oh so illustrious case of iron deficiency, and that being cold all the time was a side effect. But I wasn’t cold, I felt the heat—I felt everything; except for fear. You see, I began to realize that my cardigan was my personal dagger; it could cover my trembling hands, hold me when I felt lonely, and provide the warmth needed to get through the rest of the day. In a way, our clothes--the pieces we own--provide a sense of home to-go. Do you incorporate well-being into your fashion?
It is like taking a stroll in nature and changing into a pair of sweats in hopes of protecting ourselves from possible bug bites. It is rolling down our sleeves to avoid touching the door handle with our bare hands--which isn’t much of a difference, by the way. But it gives us this sense of security within ourselves, and a sense of control.
Our self-autonomy allows us the freedom to express ourselves in the way that we find fit, and this can also apply to clothing ourselves in the way we have constructed our own boundaries. One particular fashion icon that comes to mind is the notorious singer/songwriter Billie Eilish, who expressed her bodily autonomy in the viral “not my responsibility” short film, which depicts a series of events ultimately removing clothing from her body layer by layer. The overarching message to this performance is that she does not owe anyone an image of her body--whether that is little clothing or layering to the max. In addition, Billie has indulged in the ever-changing fluidity of her personal style, and there is a noticeable style evolution crystal clear to her presence on the red carpet.
In her early blue-grey-haired years, Eilish’s style remained unconventional and unpredictable, while still floating in a Tumblr-esque, Van Gogh admiring, puffer jacket and sweats, edgy, indie kid paradigm. Still merging into celebrity status, her style choices did not affect how she was represented in the media. However, in 2019 after her debut album ‘When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?’ is when I began to notice patterns and attach a sense of story to her style. Sing it with me! Do you remember, the 15th of September 2019? You know, the one where She Who Dares captions a post with “if only i dressed normal id be so much hotter yeah yeah come up with a better comment im tired of that one”.
I don’t know about you, but this statement surely spoke volumes to me. At this moment, it all began to make sense; her experience, as well as the experience many of us all share, isn’t just insecurity—we are subconsciously protecting ourselves.
Come hither, and let us talk about the expression to protection pipeline. Starting at a young age, we are shoved out of the oasis of individualism, and into the clear and conspiring box of societal expectations. What starts as carefree and shining outside of our clothes takes a very sharp turn into hiding behind our clothes.
To insert my own experience, let’s just say society isn’t too kind to young women, and growing up while evolving into the world of fashion kind of makes you want to pull an Elsa. Do you know what I mean? Like, conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know? Moving on, we develop coping mechanisms within our fashion choices, subconsciously creating shields to guard our hearts, insecurities, and parts of our personalities most sacred to us. Avoiding criticism at the family gathering? I bet you didn’t go with the ripped jeans then? Off to a party? Better throw a jacket over that knee-length dress—you know the drill.
In all actuality, our fair-weather friends of layering aren’t always a sign of failed social structures, and it's important to recognize the newly found freedom of self-preservation. Perhaps the concept of purity is what pushes the need for protection, but the evolving nature of healing is what solidifies our choice to transform our perspectives. Before walking out of the door, I will turn and grab my cardigan—but not to hide, this time carrying it as something as necessary as water, and a weapon as necessary for war. Oh, and warmth of course!
Words by Tristen Cousins
Photos by Cerys Rotondo
Modelling by Sebastian Johnson (IG: @capnseb)